Big-ness
This post was originally created as a reply to the post "Lost in Paris" on my brother's blog page back in May
I was just, well I have been for a while, pondering "big-ness" last night. We, at post-college group, were discussing the problem of evil - how and why it came about. I was floored to tears during the conversation as I tried, as Paul says in Romans 9:14-29, to question God as if he were a man. All my thoughts and judgments/evaluations of God's intentions for good or evil are from the perspective of one man sizing up another. I was hit that I recognize and evaluate God more as a human than as, well, YHWH. I don't really know how to see God as a not-human, but I'd sell my soul to learn.
Later that eveniing, as I was driving, I looked miles down the street to where the foothills rise up from the edge of Boise. It was a beautiful and intimidating sight - I found myself stricken with awe and asking why this was so. My first thought was that I am, and all of humanity (at least guys) are, impressed by "big-ness" (size matters?), but why should I be impressed by bigness? My logical conclusion was that I only revered bigness because God is the fulfillment of bigness and the one who planted that desire in me. Just as I would have no preference to call one object beautiful while calling another ugly, so I would have no reason to revere mountains over speed bumps unless God made me that way.
I became very thankful on that drive that God would choose to allow me to recognize what he made as awesome and beautiful. Still, I can't shake the feeling and desire to see the creator (and giver of our respect for greatness and beauty) as he must be even greater and more beautiful yet. How privileged we are to be made with the capacity to genuinely revere, love, and respond in awe to God the creator.
I suppose it must be an effect of the fall that we can only know God partly now, and even then only enjoy as much of him as we know...I want to know him more thus to see him more rightly, respond more rightly, and have a better idea of what "Godliness" means. I also suppose most of my more embarrassing moments trying to be a Christian have come about as I've misinterpreted who God is and, consequently, act out my ignorance. I see it all around me as people ( act out very sincerely and annoyingly their idea of who God is: God is harsh, God is unforgiving, God holds grudges, God is vengeful, elitest, conceited, cold, distant, aloof, fixated on me, etc. I'm still guilty of these things, but I'm pretty sure the more I understand God for who he really is, the more I'll be able to please him, be useful to him, and respond as he created us to respond.
Until then, I'll enjoy viewing that part of his big-ness that I'm able to comprehend - excited for a glimpse beyond my field of vision. I'm content only in the fact that he created me to love who he is and hate what he's not.
I was just, well I have been for a while, pondering "big-ness" last night. We, at post-college group, were discussing the problem of evil - how and why it came about. I was floored to tears during the conversation as I tried, as Paul says in Romans 9:14-29, to question God as if he were a man. All my thoughts and judgments/evaluations of God's intentions for good or evil are from the perspective of one man sizing up another. I was hit that I recognize and evaluate God more as a human than as, well, YHWH. I don't really know how to see God as a not-human, but I'd sell my soul to learn.
Later that eveniing, as I was driving, I looked miles down the street to where the foothills rise up from the edge of Boise. It was a beautiful and intimidating sight - I found myself stricken with awe and asking why this was so. My first thought was that I am, and all of humanity (at least guys) are, impressed by "big-ness" (size matters?), but why should I be impressed by bigness? My logical conclusion was that I only revered bigness because God is the fulfillment of bigness and the one who planted that desire in me. Just as I would have no preference to call one object beautiful while calling another ugly, so I would have no reason to revere mountains over speed bumps unless God made me that way.
I became very thankful on that drive that God would choose to allow me to recognize what he made as awesome and beautiful. Still, I can't shake the feeling and desire to see the creator (and giver of our respect for greatness and beauty) as he must be even greater and more beautiful yet. How privileged we are to be made with the capacity to genuinely revere, love, and respond in awe to God the creator.
I suppose it must be an effect of the fall that we can only know God partly now, and even then only enjoy as much of him as we know...I want to know him more thus to see him more rightly, respond more rightly, and have a better idea of what "Godliness" means. I also suppose most of my more embarrassing moments trying to be a Christian have come about as I've misinterpreted who God is and, consequently, act out my ignorance. I see it all around me as people ( act out very sincerely and annoyingly their idea of who God is: God is harsh, God is unforgiving, God holds grudges, God is vengeful, elitest, conceited, cold, distant, aloof, fixated on me, etc. I'm still guilty of these things, but I'm pretty sure the more I understand God for who he really is, the more I'll be able to please him, be useful to him, and respond as he created us to respond.
Until then, I'll enjoy viewing that part of his big-ness that I'm able to comprehend - excited for a glimpse beyond my field of vision. I'm content only in the fact that he created me to love who he is and hate what he's not.
posted by Ken at
7/20/2005 11:44:00 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home